Radio Host, Kyle of Kyle & Jackie O Show

Yesterday, while watching the taping of a prime time Australian broadcast called “Night of the Stars” hosted by Australia’s lead morning show team, Kyle & Jackie O, a frothy and concupiscent reality star, Janice Dickinson, was one of several guests, along with Justin Bieber, Michael Buble, and Nick Cannon.

Curiously enough, though seated next to Jersey Shore’s “The Situation”, Dickinson was far less the gentleman than he. Comparatively, his manner and comportment was vastly more dignified than that of America’s first supermodel. It was if she’s staring at the final credit roll on her career…and is hellbent on bursting through the credits with a volcanic ejaculation of shock and awe.

She blurted out that she had recently seen Mick Jagger at the gym, obsessing with his smartphone, and recalled her 1/12 year affair with him (back in the Rolling Stones days) during which she was never satisfied due to his pe*is being “the size of her thumb”. Kyle and Jackie O are real pros and don’t incite this from guests, but as a testament to the sense of comfort guests have with the two, guests clearly feel disposed to dispense. Likewise, since it’s an offshore broadcast, someone like Dickinson likely feels she can say whatever she wants with some sort of immunity.

Or this is what I imagined until more unfolded. She savaged Bruce Willis for being just a tad bigger than Mr. Jagger, but hated kissing Mr. Willis because he “looked like an insect”. She also revealed she had slept with a massive volume of Hollywood’s best-known and described Liam Neeson’s turgid weapon as the size of an “Evian Bottle”–that would be the 2 liter size, of course. Ms Dickinson, like a John Wayne of women, counted the notches on her belt of bawdiness, remarking that she and Mr. Neeson “fu*ked like donkeys for hours”.

This frisky tell-all style might be charming from a drunken sorority girl, but when delivered by a vituperative cougar, it loses it’s Disney magic and, instead, tears at the flesh of imagination. Likable celebs whom she claims to have serviced become blackguards and sexual abberants. An already tarnished Hollywood oozes more social excreta.

What’s perhaps most noteworthy, is what happens when career is on the fizzle. People often act out in ways profoundly over the top in order to outdo the formerly un-outdoable. In this way, you can achieve notoriety in the A-list of arseholes, keeping you voluptly still pinging on the radar of public awareness.

We saw near the end of the interview, Ms Dickinson thrusting her jellied breasts into the face of Jersey Shore’s “The Situation” — even he blushed and cradled his face in his hands. Host, Kyle Sandilands (above), smartly obliged Ms Dickinson and grappled her goo-filled gagas, noting their realistic texture.

But the ultimate signature to the long script of profanity was Ms Dickinson’s declaration while exiting the set: “ah, shit… I gotta pee”.